The Real Reason You're Gripping So Tight (Control Issues by Enneagram Type)

Let’s talk about control.

Not the obvious kind — not the “bossy boss” or the “my-way-or-the-highway” vibe.
I mean the quiet, internal kind. The kind that hides under “being helpful,” “keeping the peace,” or “just trying to do it right.”

Every Enneagram type has their own flavor of control.

It’s not because we’re evil.
It’s because, deep down, we’re all trying to feel safe, valued, or in charge of something when the world feels unpredictable.

And here’s the kicker — most of us don’t even realize we’re doing it.

So in this week’s podcast episode, I’m pulling the curtain back.
Here’s how each Enneagram type unconsciously uses control to cope, protect, and feel okay… even when it backfires.

🔧 Type 1 – The Reformer

You control how things are done.
There’s a right way and a wrong way — and you have to get it right.
This isn’t about perfection for show. It’s about preventing harm, avoiding criticism, and staying aligned with your inner compass (even if it exhausts you).
Control Strategy: Order, rules, correctness.

💞 Type 2 – The Helper

You control through care.
If you’re always needed, you’ll never be abandoned… right? You give, help, and show up hard — but it can turn into quiet manipulation when you don’t feel seen or appreciated.
Control Strategy: Over-giving, people-pleasing, emotional caretaking.

🏅 Type 3 – The Achiever

You control your image.
You wear the polished version of yourself so well, it’s easy to forget who you are underneath. But when success becomes survival, you lose the freedom to be messy, real, or vulnerable.
Control Strategy: Performance, productivity, persona.

🎭 Type 4 – The Individualist

You control the emotional atmosphere.
You’re tuned into the depth that others avoid. But when you feel disconnected, you may shift the vibe to reflect your inner world — or create distance to maintain your sense of self.
Control Strategy: Emotional intensity, narrative control, withdrawal.

🔒 Type 5 – The Investigator

You control your energy, space, and time.
Boundaries are your baseline. You’re not avoiding people — you’re conserving your limited internal resources. But overprotection can turn into isolation.
Control Strategy: Withholding, detachment, mental hoarding.

🛡️ Type 6 – The Loyalist

You control the plan.
If you can prepare for every possible disaster, you won’t be caught off guard. You scan for threats (even imaginary ones), build alliances, and double-check everything.
Control Strategy: Hypervigilance, loyalty tests, troubleshooting.

🌈 Type 7 – The Enthusiast

You control your options.
You don’t do stuck. You don’t do boring. You escape anything that feels limiting — including your own feelings. But the running can keep you from what you really want: presence.
Control Strategy: Reframing, distraction, avoidance.

🚨 Type 8 – The Challenger

You control the power dynamics.
If you’re in charge, no one can hurt you. You’re fiercely protective and deeply loyal — but your intensity can push people away when you’re actually longing for connection.
Control Strategy: Domination, confrontation, emotional armor.

🌿 Type 9 – The Peacemaker

You control by disengaging.
You say yes when you mean maybe. You delay, disappear, or zone out — not because you don’t care, but because conflict feels unbearable.
Control Strategy: Passive resistance, numbing, going along to get along.

So… why does this matter?

Because when you know how your type tries to control the world, you can start to choose something else.

You can:

• Pause before reacting.

• Get honest about what you’re afraid of.

• Loosen the grip… and trust yourself to handle what comes next.

🖤 This isn’t about becoming passive.
It’s about becoming aware — and learning to operate from trust instead of fear.

Let me know what landed for you — or which type’s strategy made you feel uncomfortably seen.

And remember: control isn't the enemy.
But unconscious control will run your life if you don’t catch it.

Stay curious,
🖤 Angie Alchemist